


new flesh

by venusrosy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Female Character, Childhood Trauma, Dark Comedy, Depression, Gen, High School, LGBTQ Themes, Self-Harm, Some Humor, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:40:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27610802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/venusrosy/pseuds/venusrosy
Summary: in which fifteen year old Vera Kryoff navigates her sophomore year through struggling with a crush on a girl who doesn't know she exists, dealing with self-harm and a growing addiction to alcohol, and trying to escape her past of abuse by the hands of her mother.
Kudos: 3





	1. important disclaimer!!

**Author's Note:**

> Please note this story contains reference to : childhood abuse, depression, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and alcohol use. Please do not read if these trigger you!

Hi guys! As you saw in the tags and the notes this story has some dark stuff, so please do not read if that stuff makes you uncomfortable or triggers you!

I just wanted to say a few things before we start :

1.) If I make any mistakes portraying trauma and alcoholism, please let me know! I have struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm, but not really either one of those two. I've done research but I want to make sure I portray them accurately!

2.) Also in the tags is the tags "some humor" and "dark comedy" meaning there will be jokes and things, but not as a way of triggering. Vera has a nihilistic and cynical view on the world and tends to make those kinds of jokes. There will be funny things, but I do not want them to overshadow the bad stuff.

Okay, that's all! Please enjoy your reading!


	2. teen idle

_**"i wanna stay inside all day, i want the world to go away"** _

_**teen idle : marina and the diamonds** _

* * *

Most days feel like I'm on autopilot, barely moving or doing anything, laying in bed all day as my music helps numb me to the world. I feel like I'm floating, away from my problems and into the universe, the universe filled with stars. My brain feels like a marshmallow and my heart slows as I drift through constellations and across planets, a shining, beautiful star.

Then I'm called for dinner, and I fall back to earth again, back into my messy room with baby blue walls and plastic, cheap, glow-in-the-dark stars stuck on the ceiling.

I am once again a broken girl, no longer the beautiful star I was.

I like my house, sure. I love my brother, Anakin (I'm adopted, but he's probably the closest I've ever been to someone. It's not a lot, but it means something), but I don't love myself or my life, the things I had to go through. The things I had to listen to and witness as a child.

We don't talk about it much. I know Anakin's trying, but he's busy with work and his new girlfriend, Padmé, and it's hard to balance a teen with that.

"Hi, Ver Bear, dinner time," Anakin calls from outside my door.

I take out my earbuds and pause the song that's playing. Teen Idle by Marina. If that doesn't show you anything about me and how I feel, then I don't know what will. 

I don't say a word but open my door, not even caring when Anakin flinches when he looks at me. My hair is a mess, I haven't taken off my eyeliner and mascara in two days, and my pajama pants and tank top are wrinkled. Real fucking beautiful.

"How are you?" 

I shrug my shoulders. That's my main source of communication when I'm like this. Anakin forces a smile. That wasn't the answer he was looking for, but he needs to control himself. He struggles with anger issues, and if he flies off the handle, it'll be bad for the both of us.

"What's for dinner?" I mumble.

"Spaghetti, your favorite."

I muster a small smile. He tries so hard, and I'm still getting used to it. 

When I was eleven, my bio mother was arrested after my homeroom teacher spotted the bruises on my arm. I was originally to be sent to a woman named Shmi Skywalker (my mom's high school friend and college roommate) but she passed away early on in the adoption process. I was going to be sent to a group home, until her son, Anakin, who was only nineteen, offered to take instead. We were both grieving in our own seperate ways, and it helped grow us. He's a recent college graudate now, and I'm a sophomore. Anakin was there through my first period, first heartbreak, first school dance, all the firsts a tween should have a mother for. I can't even really remember what my mom looked like. I blocked her out of my head, only holding onto the small goods that sometimes arrived.

I finished dinner with barely any words, and trudged back to my room, putting in my earbuds again and repushing play, letting Marina fill my ears and cocoon around my head, giving me something soft to land on when I'm forced back to earth again.

* * *

A few days pass, and I get somewhat out of my funk. I take off my makeup, take a shower, wash and brush my hair, change clothes, and pick up some dirty clothes off the floor. As a treat, Anakin takes me out for ice cream. I am finally willing to talk.

"Excited for school?" he asks, taking a bite from his cone.

"Yeah," I shrug. "Nice to finally be out of the house."

"Sophomore year is kinda shit."

"Thanks, Ani, real encouraging."

He laughs and I smile a real smile, spooning my strawberry ice cream and gummy bears into my mouth. Most people think it's a weird combination, but it's comforting to me.

"I'm not bad at geometry though, so if you need help, just ask."

He says that like "asking for help" is something easy.

We finish our ice cream and head back outside to the car, Anakin turning up his punk radio station loud and migraine-inducing, and I groan but enjoy it anyways. He taught me all I know about music, and the art of intimidating people with your looks (although for most people his metal hand already does that).

"Why does school even exist?" I grumbled.

"I don't know, but you have to go or I get investigated," Anakin replied.

"Gross."

We sat the rest of the way in silence, the noise of the radio drowning out my thoughts as I bit my lip, worrying about the school year and just how much it's going to suck. I hate being forced to learn, forced to fit my brain into the little small box of what they deemed "acceptable". I struggled with school, with fitting into that box. I got decent enough grades. B's and C's, occasional high D, but it never felt sastifying.

The rest of my night was spent watching Netflix and eating everything I could find. My post-depressive episode hunger had finally kicked in, and if you put it in front of me, odds are was I ate it. 

"Okay, it's time for bed," Anakin said, switching off the TV.

"But I just got to a good part!" I whined.

"You can finish it tomorrow after school."

"Okay, fine."

I stood up and brushed pretzel crumbs from my shirt, yawning as I realized just how tired I was.

"Get some sleep for your big day tomorrow," Anakin told me.

I trudged up the stairs to the bathroom, washing off my makeup and brushing my hair. Without my makeup, I looked younger and less intimidating. I looked like eleven year old Vera, the Vera that no matter how hard I tried always came back and screamed into my head to let her out.

No way in hell, I always told her back

I switched off my light and plugged my earbuds into my phone charging on my nightstanding, letting myself float up and up into my realm of stars and planets once again.


	3. in my head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW : mentions of self-harm

**_"i feel alone, all of the time"_ **

**_in my head : bedroom_ **

* * *

Coruscant High School : the most wretched hive of scum and villainy.

I pass by lockers upon lockers, all the same bright blue and yellow banged up metal. Couples thrust their tongues done each other's throats, friends hug and laugh and bustle to their class.

I keep my head down low, avoiding eye contact with anyone. 

The air smells like Pine Sol and Victoria Secret perfume, the smell overwhelming my head and making it feel light and dizzy. I inhale the scent as it crackles my nostrils, my brain feeling warm. If anyone notices, I'll be the weirdo who gets high off the school hallway fumes.

My first class is English, and I find my face on the whiteboard, telling me where I'll be sitting this semester. It's near the teacher's desk (go figure), and I sit down as the kids around me come in and chatter away. 

The bell rings and class starts, my teacher, a petite blonde woman making her way to the front of the class.

"Hello!" she says. She's British, like Anakin's best friend, Obi-Wan Kenobi. I wonder if they know each other. All Brits living in the same area know each other, right?

I drown out her speech, tuning back in to hear the same spiel we've been giving every first day since grade school. Don't they know we get tired of it? 

I catch my teacher's name : Ms. Kryze. The Ms throws me off. What happened? Divorced? Single? Doesn't want to confine to traditional marriage roles? My money is on the second.

Next class is French, a class I took last year, meaning the teacher knows me. Once again, sat near her, Madame Jones catching little glances at me every so often. Madame Jones is the least French name I have ever heard. It's like merging a McDonald's and fancy steakhouse, or moving a mansion into a white trash neighborhood.

Then comes chemistry. Then geometry. Then blah blah blah. All of my morning classes melt together as I finally enter my lunch period. I have to choose my spot wisely. I pay for my lunch (pizza slice, a salad, and an apple juice) and find a table hidden in the corner of the cafeteria. Unseen, just like me.

I pull my phone from my pocket and untangle my earbuds too, plugging them in. I open my playlist and hit shuffle. First song on is "In My Head" by Bedroom. Perfect. The music fills my ears, and I munch quietly, chewing away the stress and fear of my life.

My thighs sting against the denim of my jeans, the burning sensation of the cuts releases something in me. The pain hurts, but it feels good too. Anakin doesn't know I self-harm, he's never even asked. Maybe he's holding onto the hope I wouldn't do such a thing, but deep down he knows. He's just like me, trying to hold it all in.

The bell ending lunch rings, and I throw away my half-eaten pizza and put my apple juice bottle in the pocket of my backpack, making my way to my ninth period class : study hall. Having study hall towards the end of the day is great, but I have no homework since it's only the first day. My teacher tells us to just play on our phones or something, and I pull mine out to see a text from Anakin.

_**anakin** : how's ur first day going?_

_**me** : it's alright :)_

_**anakin** : good! ily kiddo_

I smile. Anakin barely gets any time off in his work day (he works as a mechanic) and so it felt great that he thought of me.

"Hi, so sorry I'm late! I'm new this year and I got lost!"

A girl walks in the room, and immediately my heart stops.

She's goregous, with light brown skin and big curly hair. Her dress is long and floral, and she's wearing socks with Mary Janes. My stupid brain begins imagining us together, all mushy and happy and romantic. I'm on our wedding day when the teacher, Mrs. Secura interrupts.

"Oh, no worries," she says. "Just find a seat anywhere."

The girl finds a seat in the back of the class, and my fantasies are crushed. She didn't even notice me, and I'm too scared to talk to her. I shake it off. No one would want the broken girl I am anyways.

I don't pay attention during my last class, World History. It's not important. I'm still crushed about the girl. Crushed, yet still crushing. I wonder if I should ask Anakin what to do. He's great with girls. 

I told him I was bisexual when I thirteen. He was super accepting, and told me he loved me no matter what. It felt great. I had known since age eleven, and that was the reason I had the bruises that led to my mom's arrest.

The school day finally ended, and I found Anakin's car in the parking lot (he got off work ten minutes before my school ended), and entered it.

"Hi, kid," he said cheerfully. "How was it?"

I saw the girl from study hall get into her own car, and turned and smiled at him.

"It was...good."


	4. hey kids

_**"looking clear but never recognized"** _

_**hey kids : molina** _

* * *

"So, Vera, how's school?"

"It's alright. I don't like geometry at all."

Obi-Wan smiled and patted my shoulder.

"You'll be okay," he said.

"Sophomore sucks ass," Ahsoka spoke up, crinkling her nose.

"Ahsoka, don't scare her," Anakin chuckled.

"You told me literally that exact thing," I replied, raising my eyebrows.

The table erupted into laughter, and I smiled a little bit. Every few weeks, we had these group dinners. They started when I first arrived with Anakin, as a way for me to get to know some people who would be visiting often. They were one of the things I truly enjoyed, especially because they could hold way better conversations than I could.

"Do you have a favorite class?" Ahsoka asked.

"Yeah. Study hall."

"Met any cute girls or guys yet?"

I nearly spat out my water, my face blushing as I thought of the girl from study hall. I still didn't have a clue to what her name was, and I had a different study next semester, so I needed to learn it soon.

"She has!" Ahsoka shouted.

"Vera, what? You never mentioned anyone to me!" Anakin cried.

My entire face was strawberry red, and I buried my head in my elbows.

"Stop torturing the poor girl," Obi-Wan said with a chuckle. "But we do want to know."

"Well, she's in my study hall."

"Know her name?" Ahsoka asked.

"Nope."

"Does she look gay."

"She wore a long floral dress with socks and mary janes. There's no real heterosexual explanation for that."

Ahsoka smiled. 

"Just talk to her," she said.

If only it were that easy.

At school on Monday, I wasn't having a good day. I'd most certainly bombed my geometry test, and my urges and intrusive thoughts only got worse as the day progressed onwards. By lunch, I was so upset and I just wanted to go home.

"Hey."

I took out my earbuds and looked to see a girl standing across the round table from me. She had bright red hair, heavy eye makeup, and wore a black t-shirt over a fishnet top. Her clothes and demeanor signaled she was someone I could relate to. She was cute, too.

"Hi?" I asked.

"You looked lonely."

I shrugged.

"Guess I am."

The girl sat down and stuck out a hand with long, black nails. 

"I'm Anjelinia," she said. "But you can just call me Anji."

I shook her hand with a small smile. Something inside, deep in my core warned me this could be trouble, that I would be making the wrong choice. 

And like how all hero's donwnfalls start, I ignored it.

"I'm Vera," I said. 

"Your shirt is so cool."

I looked down at my "when God made man, she was only joking" shirt. Huh, I never really gave it much thought.

"Thanks," I said.

Anji and I talked the entire lunch period. I found out she was adopted, just like me. We exchanged numbers and I felt myself begin to grow a bit happier. I knew it wouldn't last. I knew something bad was bound to happen eventually, but for now, I was happy.

"How was school, today?" Anakin asked as I entered the car.

"I made a new friend," I replied with a smile. "Her name is Anji. You'd like her. She's punk and likes the same bands as you."

"Awesome. I want to meet her."

"That can be arranged."

Anakin drove off, and I sunk back in my seat, the sun's heat warming me as I begin to feel the happiest I had been for a long time.


	5. velocity girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW : mentions of self harm, and underage drinking

**_"here she comes again, with vodka in her veins"_ **

**_velocity girl : primal scream_ **

* * *

Weeks passed.

New scars on my thighs, new grades in the gradebook, and my new friend and I growing closer and closer. I learned about Anji's fears, her past, her dreams, her desires, and she learned mine. I told her everything, well almost. I've kept my self harm a secret. I know I should tell someone, I know it needs to be released. But I'm too much of a pussy. I also kept why I'm adopted a secret. It just hurts too much.

"Hey, Ver," Anji says, walking up to my lunch table.

"Hi," I reply back, pausing my music and putting my phone in my pocket.

"I was invited to a party this weekend and I need a plus one. Wanna come?"

"What kind of party?"

Anji looked at me with an "are you stupid?" sort of look.

"Drugs, alcohol, sex, etc" she said with a wink.

"I don't do any of those things."

"Hm, whatever."

"Fine, I'll go. I'll tell my brother I'm staying over with you."

Lunch ended and I gulped. I had never been too a party before. Most people assume I do some sort of drug when they see me, but the truth is, I've always been too scared. My mom was a druggie and an alcoholic, and whenever I see those, I think of her, I think of the path I could head down if I tried any of them.

And yet, now I wanted to.

I wanted Anji to like me. I couldn't lose the one friend I had.

So, like an fucking idiot, I asked Anakin if I could "stay the night" at my new friend's house.

"Hey, Anakin, can I spend the night at Anji's house this weekend?"

"Of course, kid," Anakin said, "you know, I'm really happy you're making friends."

I gave Anakin a weak smile, the guilt in the pit of my stomach bubbling up like a sewage leak.

The weekend came, and I packed my bag, packing a pair of plaid pants and a black t-shirt for my party outfit. It was like the nicest thing I owned, and I didn't really hate dresses, just didn't feel comfortable. I packed a bag of makeup, and slung my backpack over my shoulder, grabbing my pillow and blanket.

"Anji's here!" Anakin called from downstairs, and I took a breath. 

"Coming!"

I ran down the stairs, almost tripping over the poorly tied laces of my Doc Martens. 

"Hey, Ver!" Anji called, her hands stuffed in the pockets of her ripped black jeans.

"Heya," I answered.

"Bye, kiddo, I'll see you tomorrow," Anakin said.

I gavs him a hug, my hands shaky. Anakin kissed my cheek and I exited outside to Anji's mom's car.

"Hey, you must be Vera!" said a woman with white and blue dyed hair. "I'm Anji's foster mom, Shaak Ti."

"Hi," I said meekly.

"She's a little shy," Anji told Shaak Ti as we buckled up.

* * *

"Holy shit you guys have a nice house!" I exclaimed as we pulled into the driveway of Anji's house.

"Really?" Anji asked, her face looking inquisitive. "It's just a regular house."

My face turned bright red. Anakin and I weren't poor or anything, but we still sometimes struggled with money. Most of my clothes were thrifted or hand-me-downs. It didn't bother me too much, but for some reason, after Anji's comment, it suddenly became a new insecurity.

Anji and I entered her house. It was even nicer on the inside, way more neat and organized than Anakin and I's house. What can I say? Throw a depressed teen girl and a young adult man with no time to clean in one house and see how it goes.

"Want one?" Anji asked, pulling a can of Coke from the fridge.

"Sure," I said, catching the can she threw at me and opening it. 

I took a sip as Anji took me upstairs to her room. It was painted black, and posters of several different bands I had only heard through Anakin were plastered. I didn't hate metal, I just much prefered more indie stuff. God, I sound so fake edgy.

"Cool room."

"Yeah, took me awhile to decorate."

"My brother Anakin loves these bands."

"He gave me those vibes."

"Yeah, definitely."

"Can I ask why you live with him?"

Shit. Shit. Shit. I never thought I'd have to tell her that. I didn't think she would ask.

I don't know if I can tell her without breaking down.

"Um, my mom was...she was abusive," was all I said.

"My parents died in a car accident. I was five," Anji said, looking at photo of them on her desk.

"I was eleven when my mom was arrested."

Anji gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Fuck her," she said.

"Yeah," I answered. "Fuck her."

"So, you ready for this party?"

"O-oh, yeah!"

Anji gave me a look, and I groaned.

"You're not ready, bitch."

"I know! I've never been to a party before."

"What do you have to wear?"

I opened my bag and pulled out my shirt and pants. Anji crinkled her nose. 

"Girl, what the fuck? You can't show up to a party looking like that."

"I didn't have anything else! I don't own like any dresses!"

Anji rolled her eyes, and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards her closet. The inside was huge, filled with mostly dark colors, but in the corner was a few colourful things. Anji pulled out an orange slip dress with white lace detailing and handed it too me.

"Here, wear this," she said.

I honestly didn't hate it. My only concern was the length. If it showed my thighs...

"It goes to just above the knee, you prude."

"Fuck off."

"Oh, I love you."

I took the dress.

Somehow, the idea of this party didn't seem so bad now.

Spoiler, it was the stupidest and biggest mistake of my life.

Hours later, Anji's mom had gone too bad, and it was time for us both to go. Anji had adorned my face with star stickers, and my hair was curled to frame my face. 

"How are we gonna get out?" I whispered.

"Fire escape," Anji smirked.

She pulled a large bundle from under her bed, and let it roll from the window. I flinched as it made a thud hitting the ground.

"Don't worry, she sleeps like a brick," Anji said.

I climbed down first, thanking the God I didn't believe in that I hadn't worn the heels Anji had given me and instead wore the Docs I had brought.

"Ready?" Anji asked.

"How the fuck are we getting there?" I asked.

Just then, a car pulled up, and Anji gave me her signature smile.

"That answer your question?"

I scowled. I didn't want to get in a stranger's car, but followed Anji anyways.

"Hey," Anji said flirtily as we entered the car.

Our driver was a boy, a few years older than us, around eighteen or nineteen. He was kinda cute, with brown hair and brown eyes and a cheeky looking smile.

"Who's this pretty lady?" he asked.

"Evander, this is Vera. She's a little scared."

"Anji, shut the fuck up, I am not scared!"

Evander and Anji erupted into laughter, and I slumped down in my seat.

We arrived at house more secluded than most, music bumping and tons of horny drunk teens grinding on each other. 

"Come on, let's go!" Anji exclaimed, pulling me into the house.

"Holy shit," was all I could say as we entered. The lights were strobing, and we looked like the youngest people there. 

"Who's party is this?" I asked.

"Some senior, I dunno. Evander invited me," Anji replied, having to shout over the music.

"I hate this."

Anji's stupud smug smile came back as she dragged me somewhere. As we got closer, I realized she had brought me to the booze. She filled my red solo cup to the brim with a clear, foul-smelling liquid. I knew it was vodka right away.

"Just try it," Anji urged.

So I did.

It burned on the way down, but the more I drank, the happier I felt. The problems, the constant anxiety, they seemed to melt away. I felt my head began to buzz, and everything started to feel like it was moving slowly. Everything began to blur, and it seemed like it had set off a switch in me. I didn't feel like shy, self-harming, suicidal Vera, I felt like the Vera in the stars, floating, and soaring.

But then again, she always came crashing down.


	6. we fell in love in october

_**"you look so pretty and i love this view"** _

_**we fell in love in october : girl in red** _

* * *

Like I said, stars Vera always came crashing down.

The day after the party, my hangover was fucking bad. My head hurt like all fucking hell, and I just wanted to stay inside and sleep all day. Anji laughed at me, instructing me to take a shower. I showered, scrubbing all the alcohol scent off, and chewed up aspririn like Anji said. I prayed that Anakin just thought I was tired from staying up all night.

By some fucking miracle, he didn't seem to notice, just laugh at how tired I was and pat me on the back. I had gotten so used to lying too him, and it fucking scared me.

I hadn't gotten that drunk in a while, only small sips every now and then to ease my head. It was easy, sip some, feel the rush, brush my tongue, chew some aspirin, and boom, all good. It wasn't like it was a problem or anything. I could stop at any time.

The real problem was when I wasn't a little tipsy, I was absolutely miserable.

My self-harming had gotten worse. It now reached my stomach, little pink lines where I had taken the pain out on myself. I hated looking at them. When I'd take showers, I'd either turn off the lights or not look down. I was so ashamed of them, I was ashamed and embarrassed at myself.

October came, and along with it brought the onslaught of Spirit Halloweens and candy sales at the grocery store. I had always liked Halloween, liked getting to pretend I was something I wasn't. Anakin and I usually watched scary movies together, but this year, Anji and I were going to a Halloween party thrown by Evander, the guy who drove us to the last party we went too.

"Do you have any idea what you're gonna be?" Anji asked me at lunch the week before the party.

"No fuckin' clue, babe," I groaned. I'd been sneaking little sips of the vodka in my water bottle all day, and my head hurt like a bitch.

"We could be an angel and a devil."

"I'm assuming that means I'm the angel since I'm blonde?"

"Bingo."

I snorted. Like I said, I liked Halloween because I could be something different, and I was definitely no angel.

"Alright, sounds good. I'll have Anakin take me to the store this weekend."

* * *

"There is no way in hell I'm letting you wear that."

"What? Why not?!"

"It's so...revealing!"

I let out a loud groan.

"Anji really wants us to be an angel and a devil for Halloween! I can't let her down!"

"Vera, you're gonna freeze in that!"

"I'll wear my white turtleneck under it, and my tights too!"

Anakin thought for a second.

"Okay, fine," he said, defeated.

"Thank you!"

I took the costume from it's shelf and took it to the register. Anakin paid for it, and we exited the store into the car. 

"The things I let you do," he groaned.

"At least I finally have a friend," I replied. "Would your rather me be lonely?"

Anakin looked defeated again. I felt bad, but I also needed Anji for my alcohol and validation.

"I guess not, kid. Come on, let's go."

The night of Halloween came soon, as I got ready at Anji's house, the two of us sharing a bottle of vodka as we got ready. I didn't wear my turtleneck and tights (I had never really been planning on it anyways) and as soon as I looked in the mirror my alcohol-ridden brain made my vision swim. 

"Alright, Ver, let's not get black-out now, we have a party," Anji said, pulling the bottle from my hands.

"Fine," I said, slightly slurred.

"Evander will be here soon, you all ready?"

I nodded.

"Alright."

Minutes passed, and Evander finally showed. Anji and I followed our usual fire escape ladder ritual (although I was a little tipsy already so it was definitely more difficult), running to his car.

"Hell, Vera, you look hot," Evander said as we entered the car.

"I know," I said without even a blush.

"She's a little drink already," Anji told him.

"No wonder she's not brooding."

I scowled.

"It's the truth," Anji said. "You do brood a lot."

"I'm mentally ill, Anji." 

Anji rolled her eyes. I turned my head away, looking out the window. Is that what they saw me as, a brooding, depressed loser who's only comfort was alcohol? My mind began to turn. 

"Jesus, Vera, it was just a joke. Stop taking everything so seriously," Anji said.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Whatever."

The rest of the car ride was silent, only the faint sounds of music from the radio able to be heard. I needed a drink, badly. The high from the vodka wasn't enough. I needed more, I needed to feel something. After what seemed like fucking forever, we finally made it to Evander's house.

"Go get drunk," Anji said, "I'll drag your sorry ass to the car when the party's over."

"Aren't you gonna be drunk?"

"I'm a heavyweight."

I nodded.

"See ya, bitch," Anji said, and I turned on the heel of my Doc Martens to go inside.

The inside of Evander's house was nice, much like Anji's. I would have killed for a house like this, why did these rich kids always mess them up? Well, they are rich, meaning their daddy's could just pay the damages. Capitalism, the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer.

I stood awkwardly in the corner with my red solo cup (you've seen movies), looking around the room. I didn't know these people. Maybe I did, and I just couldn't remember. It didn't matter. I was here for the alcohol, and that was it.

"Hey."

I turned my gaze beside, and my heart stopped. The pretty cottagecore girl from my study hall was right there, talking to me. She was dressed as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz.

"Uh...hi," I stammered, face turning red.

"You're in my study hall, aren't you?" she asked. "I'm Cassie."

"I'm Vera," I said with a smile. "No offense, but you don't seem like the party type. What are you doing here?"

"I heard about, decided maybe one party wasn't so bad, and came."

"Cool."

I took another sip of my drink.

"Want some?" I asked, offering Cassie the cup filled with a vast concoction of different alcohols.

Cassie crinkled her nose, but hesitantly took a sip. She immediately started to gag.

"How do you drink that?" She exclaimed, wiping her mouth.

"It took some time," I replied, sipping it again.

Cassie nodded.

"You seem cool, we should hang out this weekend," Cassie said.

I thought about it. On one hand, weekends were time for me to get wasted and forget everything. On the other, maybe one weekend wouldn't hurt.

"Sure, I would love that."

Cassie smiled, and my heart fluttered. She was so pretty, and really really nice. 

"Mind if we shared this corner for the rest of the night?" I asked.

"I would love to."

For once, I set down my drink and began to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the almost 2 month long hiatus! i started writing this when i was having a bit of a depression moment, and now that it's mostly gone i just didn't feel like revisiting those feelings. i still really like this story and decided to keep it going :)!
> 
> (also if u spot the john mulaney reference u get my highest honor)


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